Friendships and History
by CSI1983
Summary: When an old college friend is murdered, will Sara keep the promise she had forgotten she had even made?
1. Chapter 1

_A/N - This story came to me quite out of the blue and has been sitting at the back of my mind screaming to get out. So who was I to deny the request? Hope you enjoy it! As always reveiw and tell me what you think..._

Friendships And History

Chapter One – Learn To Fly

Sara rolled over slightly in bed, wrapping around the warm body that lay next to hers. She felt the reassuring rising and falling of his chest against her palm, breathing the smell of sleep off his skin, she realised just how in love she was with this man. It didn't matter that he drove her crazy with the systematic way he squeezed out the toothpaste or that he could quite happily ignore her when he was lost in a book. He was still the only person she knew who understood her completely, didn't mind if she turned into an emotional wreck every once and a while or that she felt like she always needed to be in control of situations. He relaxed her and she liked to think she did the same for him. She snuggled even closer to him, loving the way his body felt against hers, something so primitive and possessive about the skin on skin contact that it made Sara stop breathing for a second. Long before their relationship was moved from the privacy of the bedroom and into the public eye as it became more serious, Sara felt herself getting lost in him. It sounded foolish considering just how long she had liked him, even _loved_ him but it wasn't until that first time they had kissed that she felt herself slipping away. Now, six months down the track, Sara, for the life of her, had no idea where she began and he ended. There was something so simple and secure in that fact. The relationship was easy and relaxed. They had their fights but the understanding was so good that the fights didn't usually last very long. It was by far the easiest and best relationship she had ever been in. Then he asked her to move in. Or more precisely, he wanted to know if he was ever going to get the space in his wardrobe back. When she had said no, he said that she might as well move in the rest of her stuff, so that was the end of that.

"Make the coffee."

Sara was jolted out of her thoughts by a foot running up her ankle, pushing her out of the bed little by little. Grissom's voice was slurry with sleep, his face still hidden beneath the covers. Sara pushed back with her own foot.

"You make the coffee."

A small tussle ensued and Sara won when she finally heaved the still half asleep Grissom from the bed. She smiled down at him as he lay groaning on the floor.

"Go and make some coffee."

Grissom got off the floor and glared at her.

"You are evil."

Sara stretched out across the bed so that she covered the whole thing with her out stretched limbs, giving a small groan before snuggling back under the covers. Grissom glared at her again before he left and Sara could hear him in the kitchen making coffee. Then she heard the hiss of butter being melted in a pan and she smiled again. Grissom was making eggs. She had learnt right from the beginning that Grissom's patience was not just limited to work. He took almost twenty minutes to make scrambled eggs, insisting that they be folded rather then whisked like any other normal person would do. She had tried to tell him otherwise but he had stuck to his guns. And she soon learnt why. He made the best scrambled eggs she had ever tasted. She heard him take the bread from the bread tin and put it in the toaster, heard the jingle of cutlery and plates as he set the table for breakfast, his feet scuffing on the hard wood floors. She swung herself out of bed and put on her slippers before padding into the kitchen, just in time to be presented with scrambled eggs, toast and a large mug of strong black coffee.

"As you ordered."

Sara smiled at him as she began to eat. That was something else she had noticed. Ever since they had first started going out, she was eating and smiling more. Catherine said it was because of all the sex, which just made Sara smile wider. The beepers that sat on the bench when they weren't clipped to their belts began to chirp madly and Sara gave a sigh as she saw the '911' flashing on the screen.

"And it's off to work we go."

The house was a plain brick one, in a non-descript neighbourhood. There was nobody milling around to get in the way and Sara was quite stunned by the silence of it all.

"Where are all the people?"

Grissom offered her a shrug but she could tell he was thinking the same thinking, his sharp eyes scanning the neighbouring houses with interest. When he spoke it was almost to himself.

"It's too quite."

Sara plodded beside Grissom as they made their way up the cobbled path leading to the front door, the eerie silence following them. Brass greeted them with a frown and a slight nod of his head.

"We got a DB in there. Looks like she was beaten to death."

Grissom paused to click on his latex gloves before kneeling at the door, examining the wooden frame.

"No sign of forced entry. She knew the person."

"Do you have an ID yet?"

Brass nodded as he examined the wallet that he held in his gloved hand.

"Jaime Cullen."

Sara felt the bottom fall out of her world. She knew Jaime.

"Did you find Amelia?"

Brass frowned and for the first time in her career as a CSI, Sara went barrelling into the crime scene without much regard for the scene itself. She was shocked by just how barren rhe house was; the only proof of existence was a couple of small suitcases and a baby bag that were sitting in the hall. She found Amelia in the last room, near the end of the hall. . Baby Amelia was laying on her bed, whimpering slightly, covered in dark blood. Sara quickly stripped her off and felt the relief flood her as she checked every inch of the soft, smooth skin and found nothing.

"Sara, you need to leave, now."

Grissom's voice was cool and controlled, a sure sign of the anger that was bubbling beneath the surface.

"I can do this Grissom, just let me get Amelia to the hospital."

Grissom shook his head as they made their way carefully back out of the house.

"I called Catherine. You may have ruined our chances of catching this person."

Sara turned to face Grissom, a wave of anger rising in her chest. She thrust Amelia, who had begun screaming, under his nose.

"And if I hadn't, she still be laying there. I wasn't wrong Grissom."

Grissom ran his eyes over the baby quickly before looking at Sara again.

"Take her to the hospital to get her checked over then call social services. When that is done, go home. I'll page you if I need you."

Grissom turned his back on her and went back into the house, kit in hand. Sara felt the anger slowly dissolve as her actions caught up with her. She didn't regret grabbing Amelia, but she did regret disappointing Grissom.

Sara followed the nurse into the little cubicle where she was instructed to undress Amelia so she could be examined. Even though there were no physical signs of injury, she was clearly distressed. She kept tearing at her clothes and exposed skin.

"What happened exactly?"

"I can't tell you much beyond that her mother was killed. When we found her she was covered in her mother's blood."

The nurse nodded as she tried to take Amelia's temperature.

"People think that babies don't notice things, that they can't process them but they do. I would say that little Amelia here saw her mother being killed."

Sara frowned as the nurse measured up medication in a syringe.

"What's that for?"

"Sedative. It will help her relax."

Amelia let out another cry of outrage as the needle slipped under her skin but soon the waving arms stilled and her breathing deepened as her entire body relaxed.

"We'll keep her here over night just to make sure she's ok."

Sara nodded as she took a seat next to the small incubator, struggling to remember anything different about her and Jaime's last conversation. Jaime was her normal bubbly self and Sara had not noticed anything to the contrary. Amelia had finally fallen asleep and Sara watched the steady raise and fall of her tiny chest, feeling suddenly regretful of her mad dash through the scene. They would have found Amelia when they processed, there was no way of missing her. But Sara had felt a certain evil in the house. It sounded ridiculous but sometimes she went to a crime scene and could almost physically grasp the evil that seemed to breath in the walls. And she had panicked. Panicked for Amelia and for Jaime. Whoever had done this could have just as easily hurt the baby; it could have been as simple as placing a pillow over her face and leaving it there. Grissom was right. She could have ruined their chances of finding the monster who had done this to Jaime and if that happened, Sara would never forgive herself.

After being reassured that they would call her before Amelia was taken away with social services, Sara left the hospital and made her way back to the office. She forced a smile at Jill as she passed the front desk, making her way down the hall to the break room; she was in dire need of something cold and full of calories.

"Hey Sara."

Nick had popped out of another room, automatically falling into step beside her, his voice casual. He knew what had happened. He must of otherwise he would hassle her about Grissom, the same way he had been ever since he had found out a few weeks ago.

"What ever Greg told you, it's not true."

"So it's not true that you compromised a crime scene?"

Sara sighed as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Yes it is. But you don't know the full story."

"So tell me, so I can correct Greg."  
Sara turned into the break room, pulling a soda out of the fridge, taking a deep swallow before talking again.

"I knew the victim, Jaime Cullen. She was an old friend of mine. When I realised that she had been killed, I panicked and remembered her baby Amelia. So I rushed into the crime scene to find her."

"And did you?"

"Yes."

"Was she hurt?"

Sara shook her head, dropping her gaze to her shoes. She had always felt proud of her abilities as a CSI, knew that she was one of the best in the office. But right now, she wanted to do nothing more then disappear.

"Oh ok. So Greg was right then. I'm sorry to hear that."

"It was stupid and I got kicked off the case for it."

"You would have been kicked off the case regardless of you ruining the scene or not. You knew the victim, that automatically makes you a liability."

Sara levelled her gaze at Nick, her eyes narrowing.

"Thanks for your understanding Nick. You can't tell me that if that was you, you would do any differently."

Nick shrugged.

"I don't know but that's not the point. Jaime's killer could get away just because you panicked. The baby would have been safe regardless of what you did. Did rushing into the scene make any huge difference to her safety?"

Sara shook her head mutely.

"Well then."

A tense silence fell and it took of Sara's effort to not be the first one to leave the room. She would not let Nick get to her, would not let him see just how upset his comments had made her. Nick left the break room with a quite glance in her direction but before she could relax, Brass came strolling into the room.

"I need to interview you Sara."

Sara frowned.

"Why?"

"You may have been the last person to have seen the victim alive."

"Her name was Jaime."

"Fine, Jaime it is. Do you want to do it here or in one of the interview rooms?"

"Interview room's fine. Is Grissom back yet?"

Brass shook his head as he led the way to the back of the building.

"No. You really disappointed him."

Sara sighed as she took a seat in the cold room, her bare arms springing goose pimples.

"I know. I acted on pure instinct and I was wrong. Did I ruin the crime scene?"

Brass shook his head as he removed his jacket and placed it around Sara's shoulders.

"He didn't think so. He was pissed though so maybe he was just saying that to get me off his back."

"I'm really sorry about the mess I made."

Brass gave her a gruff smile as he pulled out a small tape recorder.

"You don't need to apologize to me. I would have done the same. I think that Grissom sometimes forgets just how people work. How is she by the way? Amelia was it?"

Sara nodded.

"She's going to be ok I think. She needed a sedative to calm her down though. The nurse thinks she might have seen something."

Brass frowned.

"If she did, how did she get back to her crib?"

Sara shrugged.

"I guess that's what Grissom will have to figure out."

One thing was still driving Catherine crazy. How in the world did baby Amelia end up back in her crib? She was about to voice her question aloud when Grissom moved to sit beside her, already rambling to himself about the problem.

"Why did he let the baby live?"

"Even killer's have morals Grissom, twisted as they may be. Maybe he didn't believe in killing a child."

Grissom sighed and let his eyes trail over their crime scene, taking in the physical evidence as they moved. Tilted pictures, broken vases, overturned TV and tipped bookshelf.

"Someone was terribly angry with this woman."

"Still no need to beat her to a bloody pulp."

A comfortable silence fell for a few more moments as they each became lost in their own thoughts again. Grissom was busy counting the bloodspots and blood pools when Catherine spoke again.

"So are you going to tell me why you are fighting with Sara?"

Grissom instantly lost count.

"She almost ruined the scene. She came barrelling in here to find the baby."

"Oh. So that's why she's not here."

"Yes."

Catherine moved around to face Grissom, her face serious.

"So your mad at her for being human?"

"No, I'm mad at her for not being a CSI first."

Catherine gave him a small smile.

"That's just foolish Grissom. Sara's never been 100 CSI, there's at least 10 human lurking in there."

"You would never do something like that?"

"Wouldn't I?"

Silence fell again as Grissom thought the question over, pausing for a moment to wonder why he didn't run in to save the baby. Maybe he was the only 100 CSI.

"You can't be mad at her for doing something that most people would. She knew the victim and the baby, so how else was she meant to react?"

Grissom, who had begun to be very uncomfortable with this topic of conversation, stood and offered Catherine a hand.

"Let's get back to HQ. We have work to do."

She let him pull her to her feet before they both began gathering their kits together as well as the large stack to brown evidence bags they had collected over the passing hours.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N - I'm glad that this story has been greeted happily and I am glad that you are all enjoying it. I'm find it fantastically easy to write which is why I have capter two after just 24hrs. Enjoy and please reveiw..._

Chapter Two – What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

Sara did not expect him to be home when she had walked in but was somehow still surprised by the cold silence that greeted her. The house seemed so empty without him there. She had a long hot shower before settling in bed, her old yearbooks open in front of her. She had met Jaime quite by accident one afternoon. She had crashed into her and spilt her frappacino over the front of her shirt, staining the white fabric a horrible brown. Sara had stumbled a quick apology but was stunned when Jaime had begun to laugh. She thought the entire thing was hugely funny and they had been friends ever since. Unfortunately, life had gotten in the way and they lost contact over the years, reconnecting every once and a while, whether it be by letters or the odd coffee. Sara had been there to see Amelia being born and had even helped name her. Now Jaime was dead.

"Sara? Are you home?"

Sara swung her legs out of bed and padded into the hallway. Grissom was hanging up him coat on the antique coat hanger, a thick folder in his hand.

"I didn't think you would be coming home tonight."

"Neither did I. I want to apologise."

Sara felt a smile tickle the corners of her mouth, suddenly relieved.

"Me too. I'm sorry for just running into the scene Grissom. I panicked."

Grissom pulled her into a hug and Sara could smell a variety of chemicals on his shirt.

"I'm sorry too. I should have taken the time to understand why you did that."

"Oh you talked to Catherine didn't you?"

Grissom smiled as he released her and followed her back into the bedroom.

"Wise woman that one. What are you doing?"

"Just remembering how I met Jaime."

Grissom nodded as he began to strip off his work clothes, throwing them into a pile in the corner, slipping on his large terry cloth robe.

"I really am sorry about her death Sara. I promise that I will do everything I can to make sure her killer is found."

"Does that mean I can come back onto the case?"

"No you can't. You know that."

Sara felt the anger rise in her chest again, all thoughts of forgiveness now gone.

"That's not fair. You've let Catherine investigate cases involving Eddie and Sam! Why can't you let me be a sideliner? Hands off?"

Grissom sighed, sitting heavily on the bed, his voice tired.

"Because if something happens in this case the DA will bring it up. You know that Sara."

"But those rules didn't apply to Catherine did they?"

Grissom felt the anger rise in his chest, felt his patience snap like an overly stretched cord.

"YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS? ANYONE WOULD LOOK FOR CHANCES TO BLAME ME FOR FAVOURITISM! I GIVE YOU ANY SORT OF LEWAY AND MY ACTIONS, _OUR_ ACTIONS WILL BE QUESTIONED!"

It took Sara a moment to absorb his words; his shouting was more of a shock then what he actually said. He had never shouted at her and it made her take a small step back, unexpected tears coming to her eyes. He stepped forward and tired to touch her but she reeled back, her voice hard.

"Don't touch me."

She stalked out of the bedroom and Grissom fell back onto the bed, his head coming to rest on some of the yearbooks, trying to contain his anger. Sara had always been fairly open and honest about their relationship if people asked her, she didn't see the need to lie and keep things covered up. He on the other hand had to deal with the stares from those people who thought he was over stepping the line between boss and lover. He wanted to tell them that he did Sara no favours and she worked as hard, if not harder then any of his other team, that she was responsible of her own actions and he didn't cover for her. But he couldn't. They would never believe him. He sighed again and decided to have a shower before settling down to bed with the file. When he re-emerged from the shower, some twenty minutes later, Sara was back in bed, the file open in front of her.

"I didn't know Jaime was married."

Grissom hung his towel on the back of the door before hopping into bed beside her.

"Yeah she was. To a Robert Wolf Peters. Their relationship was quite a violent one judging by her hospital records."

"Do you think he did it?"

"He's a likely suspect. Brass is picking him up tomorrow and we'll be interviewing him then. Hopefully we'll get a good lead or a solid suspect."

Sara nodded as she closed the file and dropped it onto his lap before rolling over, her back to him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"You've never done that before."

"Sara, please look at me."

After a moment of pause, she turned and faced him, her eyes red from crying.

"I didn't mean to yell."

"I want on this case"

"You can't."

"Yes I can. If you can let Catherine do it, then I can too. Our relationship has nothing to do with work, ask anyone who knows us. It took them all weeks to figure out that we were together and even then they weren't 100 sure. Please let me do this Grissom. Let me help."

The pleading in her voice made him soften his resolve and he gave a slight nod.

"Fine. Hands off only ok? No touching the evidence and you go through me or Catherine for everything, understood?"

Sara nodded as she gave him a smile and snuggled closer to him, laying a kiss on his law.

"Thank you Grissom."

"Please don't make me regret this Sara."

"I won't. Now sleep, we have along day tomorrow."

Robert Peters sat on the very edge of the seat, almost as if he expected to leave any second, so he didn't want to get too comfortable. He was quite good looking, with longish dirty blonde hair, a defined jaw and full lips. Sara suspected that people would tell him he looked rather like Brad Pitt. He sat sullenly as he waited to be questioned by Brass, ignoring the coke that had been brought to him when he had first arrived. Brass walked into the room with the same casual air that he walked everywhere, almost as if he had accidentally walked into the room and he didn't know quite why he was there.

"So Robert, do you know why you are here?"

"I suppose it's something to do with Jaime. She's the only reason I get pulled into these places."

"Jaime's dead."

Robert's reaction was what one would expect. He shouted and yelled, hammered his fists against the table, tears falling unabashed before he finally turned back to Brass.

"How?"

Brass opened the file with a practised sweep of his hand and read over the words, as if he had never seen them before.

"Murdered. Beaten to death to be more precise."

"But who would do this?"

It took a second of silence before Robert seemed to absorb just why he was there.

"You think I did it?"

Brass shrugged as he settled himself in a seat across from their main suspect.

"Give me a reason why we should look else where. We pulled her hospital records and you really gave her a whipping."

Brass pulled another section from the file and began to read off the extensive list that Sara had read briefly in bed the night before.

"A broken nose, a fractured wrist, cracked ribs and several black eyes. You must have really loved her."

Robert took a deep breath, releasing it through his nose.

"Did you pull my records? Did you see the injuries she gave me?"

Sara saw the confusion on Brass's face before he pulled out his police radio and made the request to one of his officers for the records.

"Did Jaime suffer?"

Brass, obviously still not completely convinced of Robert's innocence, slid a pile of pictures his way before fanning them out like a terrible winning hand of cards.

"What do you think?"

Sra herself had yet to see the pictures, suspected that Grissom had left them at work on purpose when he came home last night but she wanted to see them, wanted to see what was left of her friend. Judging by the vomiting that Robert was now doing, the pictures did not paint a good picture. Sara stepped aside as an officer came barrelling into the room, dropping yet another file on the table before leaving again. Sara watching as Brass thumbed through the file, his eyes getting wider and wider.

"I need you to do one more thing for me Robert."

"What?"

"I need you to strip."

Robert swore softly under his breath before standing and stripping down to his jocks. He spun slowly for Brass before giving him a hard look.

"Happy?"

Brass nodded.

"Very. You are free to go but don't go leaving the state for a little while yet."

Robert left and Sara entered the room to sit across from Brass, giving the circle of vomit a wide berth.

"Why did you let him go?"

"Look at the pictures Sara."

The pictures were more shocking then she was prepared for. She didn't recognise her friend, her face seemingly replaced with what looked like a pile of raw meat, blood still seeping from her wounds. Her hands were torn, her nails gone, fingers very obviously broken and bent in unnatural positions.

"She fought hard Sara. There was no way that her killer came out unscathed. Robert, as much as I like him for it, is innocent."

Sara sat heavily in the seat.

"Did Doc get back with the autopsy yet?"

"No. But it should be soon. Want to grab a coffee before we get that page?"

"Yes please."

They made small talk as they headed to the break room, which was empty, and Brass made them cups of coffee while Sara went in search for something safe to eat in the staff fridge, re-emerging a few moments later with some slices of cold pizza.

"I think this is safe. Looks like Nick's dinner from last night."

They settled down to eat and drink, a comfortable silence falling as they waited impatiently for the pager to go off, for Doc to get them informed.

"So did Grissom give you the ok to come to the autopsy?"

"So he told you about all the restrictions he's got me on huh?"

Brass smiled at Sara.

"I've been friends with him long before you were out of your diapers, young lady. He wanted me to make sure that you stayed inside the boundaries."

Sara, her appetite gone, tossed the pizza on the paper plate.

"I feel like a child."

"Grissom does that to the best of us. He's just covering your backside, his and the lab's. You can understand why he's doing it, right?"

Sara nodded with great reluctance. She knew exactly why he was doing it.

"And he's right. But it doesn't make me feel any less of a child. He's scared of being accused of favouritism just because we're together. He called me his girlfriend last night."

"And that's new?"

"Oh yeah. Granted he yelled it, but he still called me his girlfriend. He's never done that before."

"Well congratulations. Sounds a little high school though doesn't it? You're his girlfriend."

"Better then just being Sara."

Brass shifted slightly in his seat before his eyes found Sara's again.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

Brass shifted again, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"Do you love him?"

"With all my heart. Why?"

Brass, who seemed mightily relieved by her answer, relaxed further into his seat.

"Because he doesn't have many friends and someone needs to watch his back. I just don't want to see him getting hurt."

Sara shook her head as she was overcome by a wave of affection for the old, gruff detective.

"I won't be doing that. I love him too much, despite the fact he drives me mad. Have ever seen the way he squeezes toothpaste?"

Brass laughed.

"Yeah, I know. What is with that?"

"I have no idea. He says it's an old habit."

Sara finished off her coffee and began to feel very restless.

"Do you think Doc would be too pissed if we just wandered down there to see how he is?"

"Yes. But let's do it anyway. I'm sick of waiting."

They exchanged smiles before they made their way down to the cold ad silent halls of the morgue. Sara dealt with death everyday; saw the repercussions of anger, jealousy and hate but the morgue still left her feeling unnerved. Aside from the chatter from Doc and his right hand man David and the occasional music, it was so quite. Sara took a deep breath before matching into the morgue, bracing herself for Doc's wrath if they had come too early.

"Good timing you two, I was just about to page you. Grissom's on his way."

Doc was a rather short man, with a beard and a head of hair that was heading south for the winter. Even though he has lost his leg quite a long time ago, his movements were as fluid as those of an able bodied person. He didn't live for work though, like the rest of the team, he had a family that he went home too. He had a fantastic ability to keep his two worlds separate and Sara admired him greatly for that.

"Come closer and I'll tell you what I found."

Sara pulled on the required shapeless blue scrubs before moving in for a closer look at Jaime's body. The pictures didn't do the injuries justice. In real life, in real time, they were far more vivid and violent then could have been captured on any kind of camera.

"What killed her Doc?"

Doc exchanged a worried glance with Brass before proceeding to answer Sara' question.

"Internal bleeding. One of the blows to her back severely damaged a kidney. If she had been taken to hospital, she could have survived."

He shifted Jaime's body to allow them to see her back and Sara winced. A large, very blue bruise was spread over the entire lower back.

"Find anything else for us Doc?"

Doc reached out to a table behind him and handed over a small plastic bag that contained several fibres.

"Found these in some of her wounds."

They chattered for a little longer, Brass gaining what information he could before leaving the Doc alone in his domain. They were almost back into the break room when they crashed into a very shocked looking Grissom.

"Sara, I need to speak to you."

Sara exchanged a quick look with Brass before following Grissom into his office, taking a seat across from him.

"What's wrong?"

Grissom was busy looking over a large piece of paper, his hands shaking slightly.

"I thought you said that you hadn't had contact with Jamie in a number of months."

"I haven't, not since Amelia was born. What makes you think that I have?"

"Because I have Jaime's last will and testament here. And you're listed as Amelia's godmother."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three – Cruel Summer

The shock of Grissom's announcement hit Sara with the force of a truck and she had to physically brace herself with the tidal waves that washed over her.

"What?"

"You are Amelia's godmother."

Sara shook her head, felt her world begin to spin.

"She never said anything about it the last time I saw her. She never discussed this with me. What am I meant to do?"

She looked at Grissom, her eyes pleading but for the first time in a long time, he didn't have the answers that could help her. He had never been in this situation himself.

"You should call Sophia, see if this stands up legally."

"Good idea."

Grissom sat back and watched as Sara had a hushed conversation with her lawyer, moving aside to allow her to fax the form over to her. Sara spent a few more minutes on the phone before clicking it closed and sinking back into her seat.

"She's going to get back to me. I cannot believe that Jaime did this."

"So she didn't mention this at all?"

"Once, just after Amelia was born and we were celebrating. She said that if anything happened to her, she wanted me to look after Amelia. I told her to not be stupid; that I would be the last person anyone would want looking after their kid, let alone a tiny baby. She laughed and I thought that that was the end of that."

"But it wasn't, was it? Now we have another problem."

"Amelia is not a problem Grissom. She is a child that has just lost her mother. And regardless of what happens, it's my problem, it's my name on that will."

"We are in a relationship and you suddenly getting a baby definitely changes things."

Sara took a deep breath and released it out of her nose, choosing not to yell at him. She really didn't need this.

"I'm going to go and see Sophia. I don't think I can talk to you right now."

Grissom said nothing as he watched her leave the office, wondering just how much their lives together were going to change.

Sara had met Sophia a number of years ago when she was pushing one of their rape cases and she had been so impressed by her, that she had made herself a client. Sophia was a short red head, with a slim body and fiery attitude that gave her a flawless courtroom record. Her receptionist must have gone to lunch, because the front desk was unmanned and Sara was able to walk right to the main office door, knocking loudly before entering. Sophia was sitting behind her desk; phone pressed to her ear, talking rapidly, in technical legal jargon that Sara could not quite follow. Sophia gave her a smile and pointed to the chair across from her before turning her attention back to the phone call.

"I know Pete but this is important. Is it legally binding or not?…………..Yes, full name….Yes, I know but paragraph 3, section 12 says that the person in question has to be notified…….No it was never discussed…..Ok and what are the terms for that?…..So that takes place immediately……..And the biological father?……..When?…….Thanks Pete."

Sophia hung up the phone and gave Sara another smile.

"I didn't expect a personal visit."

Sara shrugged.

"I needed to get out of the office."

"So you came to another one? Sure, that makes sense."

Sophia gathered together a large pile of paperwork, Jaime's will on top of the pile, closing the thick books that had been open all over her desk.

"Right Sara. Do you want the good news or the good news?"

"You choose. I've had enough shocks today."

"Oh then you might want to leave."

"That bad, huh?"

Sophia shrugged as she put on her stylish glasses and read over some of her own scribbled notes.

"The will is legally binding, even if you didn't agree to anything or didn't get notified. You are indeed Amelia's godmother."

Sara felt her stomach sink to the tips of her toes, the image of herself and a baby planting itself in her brain.

"What about the father?"

Sophia shifted the papers again.

"According to his lawyer, he signed away legal rights as soon as Amelia was born. He didn't want anything to do with her. And the man who married her mother never legally adopted her."

Sara took a deep breath.

"What are my options here?"

Sophia gave her a small smile.

"You only really have two. You can fulfil Jaime's last wish or Amelia can go into foster care. Young babies like her get homes in no time."

For a second, Sara flashed back to the way her life was in foster care. Never knowing where you were going next, whether you would be safe, whether you were going to get late night visits from the man who was meant to be looking after you, never feeling secure in where you were meant to be.

"Things are different now days Sara. Foster parents are screened much more closely then they were when you were in the system."

Sara clicked back to the current situation, her voice tight.

"But kids still slip through the cracks don't they? They still get abused and see things that kids just should not see. I can't do that to Amelia. I won't put another human being through that."

"Well, I guess you've made your decision then. It will take me a few days to organise the paperwork, so go home and think about it, talk it over with Grissom. This is not something that you can go rushing into."

Sara nodded and shook Sophia's hand before leaving the office. She was heading to the hospital before she had even realised where she was going. She made her way to the neonatal ward and was greeted with a smile at the front desk by a large black woman.

"Hello. How can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Amelia Cullin."

The nurse frowned as she ushered Sara to follow her down the warm, bright corridor.

"Little Amelia is not doing well at all. She's not eating and the doctors had to insert a feeding tube into her nose. It doesn't look very good for her at the moment."

"Am I able to speak to the doctor?"

"I am sorry but only the family members can really only talk to the doctor."

Sara swung around to face the nurse head on, her eyes narrowed.

"Do you know what happened to Amelia?"

The nurse shook her head.

"Well, her mother was murdered and she was found in her crib, covered in her blood."

The nurse let out a small gasp.

"Poor little darling. No wonder she's not eating."

"And just so you know, I'm her godmother. Here's my lawyers card if you don't believe me. I want to talk to a doctor."

The nurse nodded again before continuing to walk down the corridor, stopping at a room filled with beeping machinery and small incubators.

"She needs to be in here to keep her body heat regulated, it's hard to do if you're not eating as she should be. She in the corner there. I'll page Dr Jacobs for you."

Sara nodded her thanks before moving into the room, finding Amelia's little incubator easily. She was connected to a few different machines; the quite humming and beeping seemed to have sent her to sleep.

"Hello Amelia."

Now that she could study her, Sara realized just how much she didn't look like Jaime. Her mother had blonde hair, while Amelia had a mop of jet-black hair. Sara put her hand in through the hole in the incubator and stroked the baby's tiny foot, watching as it kicked slightly in response.

"You can hold her if you want. With a room full of babies to attend too, they don't get the attention they really should,"

The nurse had returned and made her way through the mass of wires and cords to stand beside Sara. She carefully wrapped Amelia in some blankets, somehow not tangling the wires as she handed Amelia to Sara. Amelia stayed fast asleep through all the movement, nuzzling further into the blankets as Sara held her close to her chest. She didn't feel a rush of love, just a need to protect this tiny bundle, this helpless little girl that had no one left in the world, except for a woman who was meant to be looking after her but had no idea what she was doing

"Dr. Jacobs is on her way."

"Thank you."

The nurse gave Sara small smile before leaving the two alone. Sara settled herself in a rocking chair that was close to the incubator and began to rock, wondering how in the world she was going to look after Amelia. Did taking her in mean losing Grissom? Sara didn't think she would be able to cope if she had to choose between them. She might not love Amelia at this point, but Sara had never been one to shy away from her responsibilities and Amelia was hers. There was no way she was going to let this little girl end up in the foster care system.

"Miss Sidle?"

A tall blonde woman that could have been a model had made her way into the room, her hand out to Sara.

"I'm Dr Jacobs. I understand that you are Amelia's godmother?"

Sara nodded as she shook the doctors hand, standing to put Amelia back into the incubator, stopping when the doctor shook her head.

"Keep holding her. It's good for them to get plenty of human contact. In her case, it's almost essential.'

"The nurse said that she has been unwell?"

The doctor pulled over a hard plastic chair from across the room, taking a seat next to Sara.

"Yes she has. She has not eaten for two days and her body is going to start shutting down if she doesn't start soon. First her kidneys, then her lungs, then finally her heart will fail. She needs to eat."

Sara nodded as she tried to take in what the doctor was saying.

"What can I do?"

"You're doing it. She needs some calming influence in her life after what she has been through. In fact, would you like to try feeding her now?"

Sara shook her head.

"I have never fed a baby before. I don't think I'm the right person for the job."

The doctor gave her a kind smile as she pulled a small pink bottle from her white coat, her smile widening at Sara's surprised expression.

"You carry those around do you?"

"Oh yeah. In a neonatal ward, it's better to be prepared. It's easy. First you test the temperature on your wrist."

She pulled up her own sleeve and dropped a little milk onto the exposed skin.

"That's the perfect temperature. And look, Amelia decided to join us."

Sara was so bust watching the doctor that she didn't feel Amelia stir, her green eyes now wide open, watching them both with mild fascination.

"I'll just unhook this feeding tube then we can see if we can get her to eat."

She unhooked the tube that was connected to a pole to the left of the incubator before giving Sara another smile.

"Then you just put it in her mouth and let Amelia do the rest."

Sara took a deep breath and wondered why she was so scared to feed this baby. She had faced killers, rapists and been shot at but when it came to feeding a baby, her courage had stalled. She placed the tip of the nipple against Amelia's lips and was rewarded with slight tug before the baby began to feed.

"Well would you look at that. Two days of trying and we get nothing, you come in and she's all ready to go. You are a natural."

Sara smiled as she watched Amelia gulp down the milk, her fat little cheeks bulging slightly. When she had finished the whole bottle, the doctor took it and placed it back in her pocket.

"Now for the next step. Burping her. Just put her over your shoulder and tap and rub her back gently."

Sara moved her awkwardly over her shoulder, not quite sure what force to exert on the tiny back.

"Just tap her gently."

Sara did as she was told and was rewarded when a large belch came, one that would rival Nick's. She then felt something hot and wet drip down her back.

"What is that?"

"Up chuck. There is a technical term for it but to me, it's always just up chuck. It's the excess milk Amelia had in her stomach."

Sara spent the rest of the afternoon learning how to bathe and change Amelia and when she left the neonatal ward a few hours later, she realised that she had made her decision about Amelia's future. One that would change her own forever.

Sara went right home and made a nice big dinner for Grissom, determined to break her news as gently as possible. He came home silently, without greeting and Sara knew instantly that he was smarting because she never called him to tell him what was going on. She didn't mean to forget.

"I made your favourite. Roast pork, with lots of crackling."

He accepted the plate without comment, munching on the crisp skin angrily. Sara took a seat next to him and tried to catch his eye.

"I'm sorry I didn't call. I was with the doctor about Amelia."

Grissom swallowed and put the crackling on his plate and faced Sara, a frown on his forehead.

"And?"

"I'm her godmother, it's legally stable."

"Which means that you are going to keep her aren't you?"

Sara nodded and saw the confusion slip onto Grissom's face.

"How are you going to do that Sara? What about work? Are you going to walk away from the thing you were born to do?"

Sara shook her head at him, her voice soft as she tried to make him understand her point if view.

"Do you remember when you were in primary school and they asked you to make a list of things you wanted to be when you grew up?"

Grissom sighed, as if she was wasting time.

"Yeah well, nowhere on my list did it say that I wanted to work with dead people. I didn't pick this life, it picked me. Did you ever consider that I was born to do something else? Like being a mother?"

"You said that you never wanted to be a mother, said you weren't the kid type."

"Maybe I was wrong. Amelia needs me Grissom and I'm not going to turn my back on her."

"I need you too Sara. Did you think about how this will effect us?"

Sara sighed as he hand found Grissom's on the table, watching as their hands became interlocked in a way that had become so familiar.

"Yes I did. I think that we could do this, I really do."

Grissom's voice was soft, his eyes on their hands.

"I don't think I can."

"What do you mean?"

Grissom pulled his hand away from Sara's, his eyes finding hers again.

"I'm not ready for kids, mine or anyone else's."

Sara's eyes turned pleading, she didn't want to lose him.

"I love you Grissom but I'm going to choose between you and Amelia."

Grissom stood and took his coat from the coat rack, his face hard.

"You seem to have already made a choice Sara. Don't let me stand in your way."

He turned on his heel and left their home, the door closing loudly behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four – With Friends Like These

Sara managed to find herself a hotel but she soon realised that in the long term, it would not be the right place to bring up a baby. She was still thinking about her living situation when she arrived at work, trying to keep one eye out for Grissom.

"He's not here."

Catherine had arrived at her side, her face hard.

"I heard what happened."

Sara had forgotten just how quickly the lab grapevine worked and felt herself tense for a fight with Catherine. She was one of Grissom's oldest friends.

"I'm sorry to hear that it's over. He was happy with you."

Sara let out the breath she was holding as Catherine's face softened slightly as she graced Sara with a small smile.

"Do you need anything?"

Sara shook her head and mutely watched Catherine walk past her and leave her in a state of shock. She was expecting to have to defend her actions to Catherine, to have to explain right down to the last detail just why things happened the way they did. The sympathy that the older woman extended was rather shocking. And the rest of her day was the same. If Grissom was at work, Sara never saw him. Nick, Warrick, Catherine and Greg acted as buffers, making sure that there was no need for either of them to see each other. She knew that it would not last forever but it was nice while the found was still fresh. She was in the locker room when Brass found her, his face grim.

"Greg told me you are staying in a hotel?"

Sara nodded and opened her mouth to comment but Brass beat her to it.

"You can't raise a child in a hotel. You will come and stay with me."

"I can't do that Brass. I don't want to disturb your life with a child."

"I want you to stay with me. I have more then enough room and I will be at work most of the time anyway. I've organised with Catherine for some of Lindsey's old baby stuff to be delivered to my place and we can organise the rest later. Here's a key. Now get your ass over at the hotel, cancel your booking and I'll meet you at home."

Brass turned his back on her and left the room before she could have any sort of argument with him. She wanted to accept the offer, she really did but how could she expect Brass to take in her as well as a baby? Because she had no other option, that's why. With a sigh, Sara gathered her belongings and attached the key to her key chain and made her way to the truck, hoping that tomorrow would look a little brighter.

Life settled into a rather bizarre routine, one that Sara found herself extremely comfortable in. She had taken up Brass's offer to move in and he came with her to pick up Amelia a few days later, watching the baby as Sara signed the papers that made Amelia legally her daughter. She still had to go to work but the hours had been cut right back to just three days a week, the rest of the time was spent learning about how exactly to look after the supposed bundle of joy she had inherited. She spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out why Amelia was crying, trying to decipher whether it was her hungry, wet or unhappy cry and found herself, with great amounts of guilt, wondering if keeping Amelia had indeed been the right choice. The doubt was always wiped from her mind when Amelia began to recognise her voice and face and became excited a smile bursting over her face. Brass seemed to have gotten himself a huge fan as well, Amelia loved nothing more then playing with him, pulling at his badge and giggling as he blew raspberries on her fat belly when he changed her diaper. Amelia was growing so quickly that Sara was wondering where the time had gone. All too soon it had been two months since she had made her decision and Sara still found herself wanting to tell Grissom all about the new things that Amelia had done that day, remembering with a jolt that she could not do that anymore. She had done all her crying in the early days, lying beside Amelia and matching her howls of unhappiness with her own, her face permanently raw from crying so much. Now she just felt the dull ache of hurt where his love used to be. She missed him desperately even though she saw him so often at work. She wanted to hug him, kiss him and hold him in her arms, to smell him and make love to him again. Instead she settled for diving herself into solving Jaime's case, which had come to a halt thanks to a series of mass murders that had taken place over the last couple of months, pushing Jaime's case back slightly. But Sara was determined to have it first on the list as soon as the other killings had been sorted. They needed to know what those fibres were and where they had come from.

"Did you buy some more diapers?"

Brass had reappeared from where he had been giving Amelia a bath; the baby in question nestled happily in a towel against his chest.

"Yeah I put them in the basket."

Brass nodded and headed back into the bathroom and Sara turned her attention back to Jaime's file in front of her, trying to take in any new information she had missed the last few times. All they had to go on were those fibres and not much else. Sara could not quite believe that nobody had seen or heard anything, not when you saw the mess she was in or the room, so she believed that someone had made a point of threatening everyone in that tiny neighbourhood.

"Here we go. I'll make us some dinner."

Brass handed Amelia to Sara and proceeded to the kitchen. Amelia immediately began tugging at Sara's hair, her favourite hobby, until Sara abandoned her task and gave her full attention to the little girl.

"Come on sweetie, let's get you ready for bed."

She moved herself and Amelia onto the sofa, settling the baby between her legs, her small head resting on her stomach. She pulled out a book that Amelia loved with bright pictures of ducks, cows and sheep. Within the first few pages Amelia was asleep, her head now tilted to rest on Sara's thigh. Sara manoeuvred her carefully into her arms and took her to the room where her crib laid waiting for her.

"She's a good little sleeper now isn't she?"

Brass had slipped into the room silently, coming to stand next to Sara, his large hand brushing Amelia's cheek gently.

"Thank god. I don't know how many more sleepless nights I could have dealt with. She's getting too big for these clothes as well. I need to go shopping again."

"Babies grow like weeds. Let's get some dinner before she wakes up."

Sara followed Brass out of the room and into the dining room, where a plate of steaming vegetables and chicken waited for her.

"This looks good. Thanks Jim."

Brass smiled at her as he dug into his food and a comfortable silence fell, one that had been a regular occurrence since she had moved in. She knew that Brass had many questions for her regarding her relationship with Grissom but he was sensible enough not to ask about it. But this time Sara wanted him too. She wanted to know exactly how Grissom was.

"So have you spoken to Grissom recently?"

Brass swallowed the mouthful of vegetables before answering, a small smile on his face.

"You know what? Grissom asked me the exact same question about you."

Sara's heart pounded hard in her chest at the idea that Grissom wanted to know about her, that he was worried about how she was.

"And what did you say?"

"That you missed him."

"And what did he say?"

"He missed you as well."

The little bit of hope that she was clutching too, the one that refused to leave when the rest did, hummed happily. Maybe, just maybe, things could be sorted.

"He's stupid you know."

Sara clicked back to the conversation with Brass.

"Sorry?"

"Grissom, he's stupid. He can't help it, he's a male. We're all like that really."

"Why didn't he call me?"

"Why didn't you call him? You are both too proud, too stubborn to admit either of you were wrong. That's part of the problem."

"When did you become so wise when it came to relationships?"

"When I lost too many good woman to my stupidity. You have a good thing with Grissom and it would be stupid to let anything make you lose it."

Sara nodded and stabbed at the rest of her food with her fork, suddenly losing the will to eat. All she wanted to do right now was see Grissom.

"Brass, do you think you could look after Amelia for a little while?"

Brass nodded, a knowing smile coming to his face.

"He's still at the lab. If you go now, you should catch him."

Sara threw on her coat and gave Brass a quick kiss on the cheek before dashing out the door, hoping that she wasn't too late to fix her stupid mistake.

Grissom was just finishing some paper work on the last of the murder cases when Sara came bursting into his room, her hair out of place and her face flushed. He fought his desperate desire to hug her, to tell her that he was wrong and that he was reaction was because he was so shocked at what she had done. He wanted nothing more then to hold her again.

"Are you busy?"

"No."

"Brass told me that you asked after me today."

"Yeah I did."

Sara stayed where she was at the office door, her hand still on the door knob and he could see her fighting some internal battle, as if she was trying to remember why she had come in the first place.

"I'm sorry."

The words were out of his mouth all of their own accord and he realised that he meant them. He would crawl on broken glass just to get her to forgive him, just to see that sweet smile that meant everything was fine again. Sara looked at him long and hard before releasing the door and pushing it closed with her foot and allowing her cost to slip off her shoulders, draping it over the chair across from him.

"I want both of you in my life you know. I can't do this without you. I love you too much."

"I was surprised Sara, but there is no real excuse for not sorting this out sooner."

"So are we ok again?"

Grissom ignored her question, standing and pulling her into his arms, where she should always be, pressed against his chest. He breathed in the smell of her hair and laid a small kiss on her temple.

"I love you Sara."

"I love you too."

Eventually they disentangled themselves from the hug and Sara took a seat across from him.

"We need to talk about Amelia."

Grissom nodded and started making tea for them both before settling down for a long chat.

"I spoke too soon."

Sara frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I had plenty of time to think and I do want children one day. And I want them with you. And Brass told me how you are legally Amelia's mother now and I want you to know that I want to give the whole family thing a go."

"Really?"

"I was wrong to ever make you choose Sara. I know that you could never leave Amelia where she was. It was stupid and foolish of me, not mention unbelievably selfish."

Sara abandoned her seat across from Grissom and instead settled herself on his lap, her lips finding his.

"I want that as well, more then anything else in the world. I really do."

"Good. Oh and I have other news for you"

"And that would be?"

"I want you back on the Jaime Cullen case."

Sara grinned down at him, her face flushed.

"You are the best boyfriend in the world. I feel a little bad though."

"Why?"

Brass in completely in love with Amelia and he's helped me so much and now we're just going to up and leave him."

"I'm sure he'll cope. Maybe he could baby-sit?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five – Breaking The Rules

The rhythm of her life changed once again, but this one contained her two favourite people in the whole world and she found herself so happy. It took a huge period of adjustment for them all, as Grissom got used to Amelia and Sara reshaped her life to fit him back in it, determined to make their relationship work. She didn't think she could handle the pain of losing him again. She never took anything they did for granted now, each hug, quick or lingering kiss was appreciated and she found it incredibly sexy to see him looking after Amelia, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It felt a bit odd being the one having to teach Grissom about looking after Amelia. She had to show him how to change diapers, feed, dress and bathe her. It was odd.

Thanks to the return of their relationship, work became a much happier place. The rest of the team were able to finally relax and get back to the smooth rhythm that they usually worked in. All was right with the world again. Thanks to the hard work of her team, the murders that had halted Jaime's case were gone and Sara was able to push it forward again, sending Greg to do what he could to identify the fibres that they had found. She also decided to examine Jaime's husband, Robert a little closer, he could hold the answers to what really happened.

Sara noted thee blue pick-up in the drive as she knocked on the door, which swung open almost instantly. Robert looked very different from what Sara saw a couple of months earlier. His face seemed longer and pinched and he had lost a huge amount of weight, his tan fading back to the pale white skin.

"Can I help you?"

Sara showed him her ID and watched a frown deepen his features.

"What do you want now? I have done nothing wrong and didn't kill Jaime."

"I knew Jaime too Robert. We went to college together. I want to ask you a few questions about your lives together."

Robert studied her for a second before his shoulders relaxed and he opened the door wider, allowing her to enter his home. Sara settled herself on the funky raspberry sofa and accepted the soda that Robert offered her.

"You and Jaime had a rather violent relationship didn't you?"

"Yeah but we were getting help. Going to marriage counselling and anger management classes. I loved her, I really did."

Sara did nothing to indicate that she understood, because she didn't. She could never quite understand why woman stayed in violent relationships, why they disrespected themselves so much.

"Before she died, was there anything different about her behaviour?"

"She was desperate to get out of Vegas, which struck me as odd because she had always wanted to live here. She was the one who insisted we stay here just after we got married."

"So why did she want to leave?"

"She never really told me. The day she died was the day that I had agreed to leave with her. I did know that she had travelled a lot when she was pregnant. She kept all the stubs; I went through them when she died. She had been from one side of the country to the other before settling here."

Robert moved around Sara and pulled open a huge box, revealing a large pile of notebooks.

"But then again, she was a meticulous planner for every part of her life. You're welcome to these if you want."

Sara nodded as she moved from her seat to the floor in front of the box, her curiosity getting the better of her. She really should take them into work and look at them but her hands had already gotten lost in the notebooks and all doubts fled from her mind. The first few books were old and Sara recognised them from when they were at school together and there were ones that even went back as far as her childhood. Then she hit pay dirt. It was the notebook that dated her life a year before Amelia was conceived. It was neat and tidy for the first few months then the writing became more erratic before stopping altogether in September.

"Robert, do you know what happened in September?"

She held up the notebook and the blank pages that spoke volumes more then any written word could. He shook his head, a frown on his face.

"No idea. She never stopped writing in her notebooks before. That's odd."

Sara nodded in return as she continued to slick through the pages, catching a photo that fell softly into her lap. It was a group of maybe a hundred, each man wearing a long white robe, the woman sitting quietly, heads down in grey robes. It didn't take much to spot Jaime sitting amongst them, her head up, smiling widely at the camera. Sara put the picture back into the box and stood, farewelling Robert as she headed out the door, driving like a bat out of hell back to the lab. Whatever that picture was, it was the link they needed to find Jaime's killer.

When she had arrived back at the lab she gave the picture to Archie to process and enhance while she herself went into one of the evidence rooms and began going over the diaries with a fine toothcomb. None of the other diaries had any sort of red flags except what seemed to be the last one that Jaime had written in. It took several hours of reading before she was confident enough in her presumption and even then she was careful to catalogue everything and page Catherine to come and check out the evidence she had gathered.

"So what happened to her that year before Amelia was born?"

Sara watched as Catherine flicked through the diaries with studied ease, her face still creased from the nap that Sara had woken her from.

"I don't know. But I found a picture in the pages and I gave it to Archie to process and enhance for me."

"How long ago?"

"About two hours."

"Lets go see Archie, shall we?"

Catherine led the way to the computer lab, her hands landing on the young Asian's tech's shoulders as she gave him a quick smile.

"What you got for us Archie?"

"Hey Cath. I managed to get quite a good enhancement from that picture you gave me Sara. It doesn't hold any good news at all."

Archie pushed a button and the picture popped onto the screen, the faces bigger then they were in the original. Archie guided the mouse to the man who appeared to be the front man of the clothed group, clicking on him as a large police record came up next to him.

"Jonathon Collins."

Sara frowned as Catherine swore under her breath.

"What? Who is he?"

Archie spoke first, his eyes still on the screen.

"We're dealt with him before. He's a cult leader for something called The Messengers. He's managed to escape charges of bigamy, incest, statutory rape and child endangerment."

"How the hell odes he get away with that?"

"You ever heard of Rodney Higgins?"

"He's his lawyer?"

Rodney Higgins was also someone that they had had dealings with before. He was slimy and terribly good at his job, getting criminals that didn't deserve to be in normal society back onto the streets. Sara hated the guy, always had.

"Yup. It also doesn't help that Collins moves around a lot and slips through the grasp of most courts."

"Was he in Las Vegas about eighteen months ago?"

"Yup. He's been here ever since."

Sara let her eyes go back to the picture, searching the faces of the other people in the photo, the young girls and older woman all looking unhappy.

"So these people choose to live like this? In such a controlled fashion?"

Catherine's gaze followed Sara's.

"Yeah. Sad isn't it?"

"So what was Jaime doing there? She looks happy enough"

Catherine shrugged and opened her mouth to answer when Sara realised something with a sudden drop in her stomach.

"Oh my god, I know who he is"

"Who?"

Collins. He's Amelia's dad. I recognise his name from her birth certificate."

Sara felt a surge of panic hit her hard. If Collins did indeed kill Jaime like she suspected, then he had tried to get Amelia, knew about her existence.

"He knows about Amelia."

Sara groped in her pocket for her phone and without any explanation, called home and told Grissom to bring Amelia down to the office. She needed to have her near her, so she could protect her in a way that had left Jaime open and exposed. He had to know about Amelia. Sara was snapped out of her thoughts by Greg bursting into the room, a piece of paper clutched in his hand, a wide smile on his flushed face.

"Yak. South African Long Hired Yak to be more precise."

"Yak? What are you talking about?"

"The fibres from the crime scene are a yak wool and cotton mix. Very rare. And only one person has a standing order for that combination in the USA."

"Jonathon Collins."

Greg's shoulders sagged as Catherine stole his thunder right from under him.

"Hey, what did you do that for? I was pulling 24-hour days to get this done and you go and steal my fun."

Catherine gave him a small smile as she patted him on the shoulder.

"Sorry Greggo. I'll let you get the news in next time. Sara are you ok?"

Sara had taken to pacing the floor, the puzzle slowly slipping into place. She was running from Collins. He had wanted Amelia and Jaime had run away with her. Left the commune for unknown reasons and Collin's had gone after her.

"He was the one that had chased her around the country. He wanted Amelia."

"We don't know that for sure yet Sara."

"We don't have too, the pieces fit without him having to tell us anything. She was running from him, to stop him getting Amelia."

Nothing Catherine said convinced her otherwise and Sara set about trying to figure a way of making this man fall into a trap of his own. He was going to pay for what he did to Jaime and Amelia.

Grissom arrived a little while later and Sara felt a surge of relief when she saw Amelia safe and sound, sleeping against his chest. She kissed them both and pointed Grissom to the direction of the computer room when he pushed her for an explanation. She took Amelia and all her bags into the break room where Nick was pouring over a large stack of paperwork.

"Hey Nicky, can you hold Amelia for me? She's due for a bottle and I need to heat it."

"Sure, anything to give me a break from this stack of work. She's gotten big."

Nick gave a mock groan as Sara shifted Amelia into his arms and settled himself deeper into the sofa.

"All she seems to do these days of eat, poop and grow. She's going to be talking soon. According to those baby books anyway. She can crawl a little way all on her own except she usually loses her balance and ends up face first on the carpet."

It was with perfect timing that the microwave beeped the end of the bottle heating the moment that Amelia began to wake and demand her midafternoon bottle, her normally calm face screwing up as she screamed her displeasure with the bottle less situation. Sara handed the Nick the bottle after testing the temperature on her wrist and watched as Nick rearranged Amelia on his knees, his feet resting on the table. He then gave Amelia the bottle and she instantly stopped crying, her large calm eyes focusing on Nick instead, watching his movements.

"Ah a girl who knows exactly what she wants. You gotta admire that."

Sara sat down beside them, her hand finding Amelia's smaller one, taking comfort in the warm skin.

"We think we know who killed Jaime."

"Who?"

"Jonathon Collin's. But you'll never guess what else we found out."

"What?"

"He's Amelia's father."

Nick let out a low whistle and he glanced at Sara.

"Are you ok? You look kind of sick."

"This guy has a lawyer that has gotten him off some terribly serious charges. I'm scared that he might just decide he wants Amelia and I don't want to lose her. Her and Grissom are my world."

Nick shifted a little in his seat and pulled Sara into a hug, her head coming to rest on his chest.

"We won't let him take little Amelia away. I'm pretty sure he'll have to get through Grissom first."

Sara nodded against his chest as she began to cry. Her life had changed an awful lot since she had adopted Amelia but she would not change a thing about her journey. She had learnt so much about herself and her strengths. She had rearranged her priorities and had put being a mother ahead of everything and she had almost lost Grissom because of it. Now she had the two most important people to her under the same roof and she would rather spend the rest of her days busy and tired then unhappy. She needed them both.

When she had composed herself and Nick had reassured her that he was fine babysitting Amelia, she headed back to the computer room. Grissom was pacing, exactly as Sara had earlier, his fists clenched at his sides, his face pinched. When he spotted Sara, he walked over to her, his voice urgent.

"He's not getting Amelia. He's not taking out daughter away."

Sara felt a small smile start on her face, despite the situation.

"Our daughter, huh?"

"Yes. Our daughter. He's not getting his perverted hands on her. I'll kill him if he tries."

The smile left Sara's face as she took in the new Grissom before her. He meant his words; she could tell by the way he stood so straight, the determined glint flashing in his eyes. He really was willing to kill him if he tried to hurt Amelia.

"We need to go and see The Messenger's commune. Talk to them, find out what they knew about Jaime."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N - So here it is, the final chapter. I, unfortunately, will not be writing fanfiction anytime soon. I am moving and I have yet to get a laptop so writing will be put on hold for now. However, I will be keeping track of my stroies the old fashioned way, through paper and pen. So enjoy the final chapter, reveiw and I'll see you all very soon. Oh and before I forget, thank you all for everything. Over the last few months, my writing has improved. while it is not up to a standard of some of the writers on this website, it is getting better and better with every new idea. So thank you for the encouragment and even the critism. It has all helped. So read, reveiw and tell me what you think!_

Chapter Six – Finding Reason To Believe

It was more then Sara had expected it to be. For some reason, she had expected to see high fences, barbed wire and patrolling officers, a little like a prison. That was definitely the view she got from what Catherine had told her about The Messengers. Instead it was all green grass and delicious silence. There was a fence but it was the kind that you would find in any home anywhere in Vegas, right down to the slightly creaking hinges when she had opened it. They had sat in silence when the truck engine stopped, each preparing themselves for what they had to do. Sara could feel the determination rolling off Grissom, in waves that seemed to float around the car. She herself wasn't quite sure how she felt. She was torn between hatred and fear.

"Are you ready?"

Sara nodded and let herself fall into Grissom's arms for a quick hug, trying to take solace in the stability that was Grissom. She breathed in the familiar scent of toothpaste and talc off his shirt and smiled as a picture of grinning Amelia came into her mind. Now she could do this. She got out of the truck, straightened her jeans and T-shirt and she and Grissom strode side by side up a pebbled path to a large house that perched at the top. It looked like something out of a romantic movie, all wood logs and large windows. It was completely silent and not for the second time. Sara wondered where the children were. She allowed Grissom to step in front of her and knocked on the solid wood door, hopping slightly from foot to foot with impatience. The door was opened by a very small demure woman, who immediately lowered her eyes when she saw Grissom.

"Hi. Can we please talk to Jonathon?"

The woman immediately turned on her heel and moved away from the door as a large man approached, one that Sara knew was Jonathon Collin's. In normal life, Sara supposed that Collin's reminded her slightly of Grissom. He was distinguished, tall and handsome, but knowing what he had done, what he was doing, made him extremely unattractive.

"Yes?"

"Jonathon Collin's?"

"Depends on whom is asking."

Grissom produced his ID while Sara stood behind him, determined to leave hers where it was around her neck. He wanted to see it; he would have to ask her, why should she make it easy on him? As it was, his eyes didn't leave Grissom, almost as if she wasn't there at all.

"What do you want Mr. Grissom?"

"We have some questions for you regarding the death of Jaime Cullins."

"Who sorry?"

Grissom produced a picture from his pocket, handing it to Collins, who smiled slightly.

"Her name here was not Jaime. It was Dhelia."

"Ok, so Dhelia then. May we come in or did you want to speak out here?"

Collin's finally glanced at Sara who gave him a bright smile.

"I'm going to walk around outside, if that's ok with you Mr. Collins."

Collins said nothing so Sara set out towards a large oak tree in the distance, turning around a few seconds later to see Grissom's leg disappear into the house. She almost stumbled over the small girl that was reading a book under the tree, her feet slipping slightly on the damp grass before she could fall.

"Oh hello. I'm Sara."

The girl looked frightened, glancing around the grounds before smiling slightly.

"I'm Violet. Except here they call me Helen."

"Nice to meet you Violet. Can I sit with you?"

Violet nodded and shuffled over slightly on the blanket she had under her, making room for Sara.

"What are you reading?"

"The Bible. Jonathon tests people on it everyday and you don't know when he's going to do it, so you have to be ready."

"Do you like living here?"

"No. But I have nowhere else to go. I don't want to disappear like the others did."

Sara nodded and looked around at the expanse of green in front of them.

"Would you like to leave with me and my partner?"

"I cannot. He will find me. He always finds the others."

"How did you come to live here?"

"My mother married Jonathon about four years ago. I had no choice."

Violet lowered her face, her pretty blonde hair falling forward slightly.

"How old are you?"

"Fourteen. I am not married though. I refused the offers over and over again."

Sara took Violet's hand and clasped it in hers, feeling the same warmth she always felt with Amelia's.

"Well if you want to, you can leave with me."

"Where will I go?"

"What about your father?"

"He's around. He tried to visit me here but they would not let him in. The don't like strangers. Can I go home to him?"

"I am sure we can arrange something."

Sara glanced up to see Grissom all but being pushed out of the house, his eyes searching for her over the grounds.

"If you want to come with me, we have to go now."

Sara could see the internal battle going on in Violet before the girl gave Sara a small smile and stood up.

"Lets go."

And that was how Sara found herself doing something that she was sure fell only just short of kidnapping. She strode purposefully towards the truck, pushing Violet into the car and telling her to lock the doors before closing it behind her. During this time, Jonathon Collins had ordered a young man in a robe to stop Sara but she had her gun out and pointed at his chest before he got closer then a few feet.

"Back off."

Seeing the failure in this, Collins turned his anger to Grissom who was standing calmly before him, as if Sara had shared her plan all along with him.

"I show you hospitality and this is how you repay me?"

"How old is your youngest wife Jonathon?"

"I don't see-"

"How old?"

"Fourteen. In the ways of the Bible, girls are ready to marry the moment they begin their menstrual cycle."

"And do you commit incest?"

"They are my children and I will do with them as I please."

Far from anger now, he almost said these words with pride and Sara had to resist the horrible fleeting urge to point her gun at him and pull the trigger.

"And did you kill Jaime?"

"She disgraced us. She had The Chosen One within her and she did not leave her where she belonged."

"And what were your plans for this so-called Chosen One?"

"I was to marry her when she was old enough and create a more perfect race."

Grissom turned from Jonathon, his face contorted in a way that Sara had never seen before. It was terrifying. Jonathon watched as they hopped into the vehicle, leaning forward and tapping on the window. Sara let it go down a crack, her hand still on her gun.

"I lose nothing from letting you have Helen. But make no mistake; I know you have the child. And I will stop at nothing to bring her back to where she belongs. With me."

Grissom said nothing as he drove back towards the office, the silence spreading like a horrible disease. Sara got the impression that once again, she had disappointed him with her impulsiveness, but for some reason, she felt more justified in it then she had with the Amelia situation. She hadn't had time to think about what the options were, Violet was at risk. Grissom said nothing as they pulled into the HQ car park, opening the door for Violet, guiding her with a gentle hand on her elbow. They ran into Brass and he and Grissom had a hurried, whispered conversation before Brass began to talk to Violet, Grissom finally turning his attention back to Sara.

"My office please."

Sara followed him without a word, balancing on the edge of her seat as he settled in his.

"What is with this sudden impulsiveness?"

"How do you know that I'm not impulsive?"

"Because I know you Sara."

Sara narrowed her eyes at him, feeling suddenly exposed.

"Do you now?"

"Yes I do. I know you better then you think I do."

"Ok, let's put that theory to the test, shall we? What's my favourite colour?"

Grissom answered without hesitation, happy to put up with Sara's questions and doubts.

"Blue but it changes all the time. You once had an obsession with yellow when you were ten and you wore nothing but yellow for almost a month before a boy said that you looked like a giant banana."

"Worse habit?"

"That drumming thing you do with your fingers when you think."

"Am I a morning person?"

"Hell no. That's too easy, I live with you."

Sara, who had run out of the list of impromptu questions, sat silently as Grissom studied her carefully.

"What else do you want to know? That you have a passion for The Killers, Scissor Sisters and Nickelback? And that you always play the CD's when I'm not home because you don't think I would like the music. You love old detective novels because they don't call for a lot of correction on the forensic side of things and you have huge weakness for pasta and cookies and cream ice cream."

Sara's smile got wider and wider as he reeled off the facts that summed her with practised ease. She often forgot that when he paid attention he absorbed things like a sponge.

"So I repeat, what is with this sudden impulsiveness?

"I have no idea. I really don't."

Grissom nodded and studied her again, as if considering his options.

"I know that in theory the joy of impulsiveness is not thinking about your actions, but please do it for my sake, if not for yours. Last thing I want to ever do if fire my girlfriend."

Sara shifted in her seat as the light and easy mood in the room sunk and the more menacing thoughts floated to the top.

"Do you think Collins was serious about that threat?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should just be careful from now on, ok?"

Sara nodded as she relaxed a little more into her seat, her eyes catching Grissom's. He was being terribly patient considering the crap he had put up with from her. She found herself wondering just how in the world had she managed to keep him by her side.

It was a normal Sunday. There was absolutely nothing unusual about it. Sara had gotten up early and gotten some fresh bagels for her and Grissom and a soft croissant for Amelia, who was now on solids. Grissom had headed to work a little earlier then normal, hoping to catch up on the mountain of paperwork that Sara had seen the day before. She had put on her CD's, turned them up loud as she danced around, with Amelia in her arms, giggling like crazy. Grissom had told her that babies get more intelligent when they listen to music but she was fairly certain that he was talking about Mozart or Bach, not The Killers or Nickleback. Amelia was still squealing, demanding more long after Sara had run out of breath, feeling slightly dizzy from all the spinning and turning.

"You have too much energy, my love. Mommy needs to sit."

Sara turned the music down and sat with Amelia on her lap as she sipped at her glass of water, her head resting on Amelia's tousled hair.

"We should go and visit daddy later, shouldn't we? Go and take him something to eat."

Amelia perked up again as Sara mentioned Grissom before falling back into her normal nonsense chatter. She came out with words she occasionally recognised but mostly, Amelia spoke a language that either she or Grissom understood. Sara had approached Catherine about Amelia's lack of language but Catherine had waved off her concerns reassuring her that kids will talk when they are ready and there is nothing that she, as a mother, could do about it. And she had been right. Amelia came up with words now and then but seemed to prefer her baby talk. Which was cute, regardless of what age she was. It was the loud bang that snapped her out of her seat, her hand going to the top of the large bookshelf in the living room where she housed her gun. She kept one hand holding Amelia in place, the other clutching gun at her side. It was silent again and Sara felt her body begin to relax and she sunk back into her seat, trying to tell herself that it had been a backfiring car or a slamming door. Nothing to be worried about. It was then that she heard the creaking step that led to the front door. Grissom had repeatedly said he was going to get it fixed but he never got around to it. Sara eased quietly out of her seat and faced the door, her gun by her side. Which is why, when it burst open, she was in a way, prepared. It had been a long time coming but she had always known she would have to face him.

"Hello Collins."

"Miss Sidle, we meet again. I'm sure you remember my other two aides."

The two men flanked either side of Collin's, their eyes on Amelia, who clung to Sara.

"What do you want?"

"What do you think we want? I've come for my daughter."

He stepped forward but Sara pointed her gun at him.

"She is my daughter. I am her mother."

"I am her father."

"You signed away your legal rights when she was born."

"Jaime forged that."

Sara kept her gun level to his chest, her grip on Amelia tight.

"You are not taking her to be some sort of pawn in your game. I will kill you first."

Collins smiled and looked at the gun as though it was harmless.

"You could not kill me Sidle. I've known people like you all my life, the ones who hide behind their weakness."

"And what is my weakness?"

"Your emotion. You feel too much."

Sara felt like laughing in the man's face but instead settled for raising her gun slightly to his head.

"So is that how you do things? Devoid of emotion?"

"And it works. You can't cling to something if you don't want it. Now if you would just hand me my daughter, we'll be on our way."

He made a move forward at the same time that Sara stepped back.

"I will shoot you. Willing to test me?"

Collin's obviously didn't make much of her threat because he continued to advance on her and Sara made the decision to shoot. She lowered the gun slightly, moved her hand to cover Amelia's ear, pressing the other to her chest and pulled the trigger. Collin's seemed stunned as he watched the blood ooze from the wound and down his side. He stared at her with wide eyes before collapsing on the ground. Sara turned her eyes to the other two men who seemed torn with what to do next. It only took them a second to decide before they dashed out of the front door. Sara propped the now crying Amelia over her shoulder, bopping her slightly to try and calm her, her gun still aimed at Collin's. She eventually made her way over to the phone and called 911, praying that she was too late, that Collin's was dead. She hadn't bothered to feel for a pulse, settled for watching his blood pool on the floor, the exact same way that Jaime's had. After giving the operator her address and the situation, Sara sat back in the seat she was in before the attack, rocking Amelia gently in her arms, humming slightly under her breath. She didn't feel any remorse or anger anymore. She felt nothing at all. The police and ambulance officer's came into the house at the same time, filling it with white and blue bits of activity. She felt a hand on her shoulder and a familiar warm voice in her ear.

"Are you ok Sara?"

Brass moved to crouch beside her, his hand moving from her shoulder to her knee, his eyes finding hers.

"I told him he wasn't going to take Amelia but he kept trying. So I shot him."

"You did the right thing. Do you want me to take Amelia?"

Almost against her will, Sara's gripped tightened on her daughter.

"No, I'm fine Jim. Is Grissom coming?"

"He's on his way. You need to come to the hospital, get checked out."

"I'm fine Jim."

Brass moved his hand to under her chin, forcing her to focus on him.

"Humour me."

Sara said nothing as she continued to rock Amelia, her hand making lazy circles on the child's back. She wasn't asleep, Sara could feel her breathing, light and regular on her neck but at least now she was calm. She watched as Collin's was hauled out of the room, a various number of tubes and machinery on him and the police bagged her gun. She heard Grissom's footsteps and the next moment he was by her side.

"Sara are you ok?"

"He tried to take Amelia."

Grissom said nothing as he gently pulled her from her chair and led her out the door and to the truck. He slipped Amelia from her arms and into the car seat in the back before guiding Sara into the front seat and clipping on her seatbelt. It was like watching a zombie. She sat in white-faced silence, looking out the window but not seeing anything. He parked a bit crookedly at the hospital and pulled Sara and Amelia once again out of the truck and into the thong of nurses and doctors.

It was a few hours before Sara heard that Collin's had indeed died from his gunshot wound. It turned out that Sara had inadvertently hit a large artery in his leg. She had spoken to the police and they were pretty confident that she would not be up for murder considering what the evidence said. What got Sara was how she felt. She thought that killing Collin's would make her feel good, to know that she was saving all those people from him. But it turned out that killing him had the same effect that killing any other human being had. It sucked. She actually shed tears for him, wondering how in the world she was giving a damn about this devil of a man. But she knew that he must have been good once. Must have been kind and decent. Maybe she was crying for that part of him. Either way, the attack had left her nerves a little more then frazzled. She had become completely neurotic. The hospital staff, more under Brass's insistence so that the house could be cleaned, gave her a room for the next forty-eight hours, which Sara begrudgingly took. On one condition. Amelia would stay with her. Grissom didn't seem to mind, understanding that all she needed right now was the reassurance that her daughter was ok but it was hell on the nurses. She would not let anyone near Amelia and it drove them crazy. When the time was up, Sara was almost as happy to leave, as they were to see her go.

She had to appreciate the consideration that was Grissom. Blood is a hell of a thing to clean up. You can get to the surface area easily enough but the blood that seeped through the floor was impossible to get without tearing the whole thing out. He had done his best, reworking the furniture so that you couldn't see where the action had taken place, where a man's life force had seeped onto and through their floor. He had signed her off of work for the next week and set about spoiling her rotten with breakfast in bed and loads of her favourite foods but she could not cheer up. She had a wonderful partner; a wonderful daughter and she still felt like she was mourning the life she had taken. Maybe Grissom realised this more then she had figured because he went to work one day and Brass had taken his place by her side.

"Grissom's worried about you."

Grissom's always worried about me. He's a worrywart."

Brass offered her a beer that he withdrew from the dozen that he had sat beside his feet.

"Killing someone is never easy. Scum of the earth or not."

Sara sipped at her beer and let him speak.

"I have killed more then I have ever wanted to, ever dream I would when I was a rookie. I still remember the first guy I killed. His name was Hector Jones. He was forty-two and had a wife and two young daughters."

"Why did you kill him?"

"It was only my first month on the job. My partner, Sam Cooper and I went to a routine B&E and Hector shot Sam and then came after me with a knife. I shot him once in the chest and he bled to death. I still remember the way he looked at me when his life slipped from him."

Sara felt a tug of sympathy for the world battered cop.

"You were protecting yourself."

"And so were you. Why is it any different?"

Sara, not quite finding an answer for his question, sipped at her beer.

"You were protecting yourself and your child. And I guess the one true question is if you were faced with the same choice, the same situation, would you change anything?"

Sara sipped at her beer again as her eyes drifted over the view from the window where they both stood. It was turning out to be a nice day and she could feel the heat of the sun already beginning to burn her skin through the clear glass.

"No."

They moved seats to the window and had spent the rest of the day there. Amelia came and went as Sara and Brass took turns feeding her, changing her and keeping her entertained. It was soothing to have him there, back in her life, even if it was just for a day. He was the sarcastic, battered, grumbly cop that calmed her. He didn't tell her that her state of loss was silly or that she was overreacting. He himself had been there; to the dark dessert with the rolling cold winds, the place where the dead are and the living mourn. He was also there to pull her out and she let him. By the time Grissom arrived home that evening, Sara felt better It would be a little while before she could truly move on from this but at least she could find solace in that the worst of it was over. She could rest easy knowing that there were no monsters coming after her little girl and that Jaime's death had in some way been avenged. So as Sara put Amelia to bed that night, whispering sweet promises in her small ear, Sara felt at peace. She cleaned up the remnants from dinner, loaded the dishwasher, showered and hopped into bed next to Grissom, who was reading the latest forensics journal.

"Anything interesting in there?"

Grissom closed the book and took off his glasses.

"Not really."

They settled themselves under the covers, Grissom's arms tight around her waist, her head against his chest, raising and falling with his breaths.

"Hey Sara."

"Yes."

"Do want to get married?"

Sara felt the smile creep over her face, her head moving back to look him in the eye.

"Really?"

"I figured we could finally make us a family. I called Sophie yesterday and signed the papers to make Amelia my daughter too. So what do you say? Fancy being Mrs Grissom?"

Sara moved in a kissed him, all the feelings that she had felt for him came tumbling out into that kiss, making almost as passionate as the first all those months ago. The electricity was still there between them and her skin still burned where he touched her and she still wanted him even after her body was satisfied. She didn't think there would ever be a point she could not want him, not after knowing what being without him would cost her. She broke the kiss and smiled at his confused expression.

"As good as that was, was it a yes?"

"Yes."

Sara didn't think she could sleep again and continued to stare at the ceiling, her head still resting on Grissom's chest, counting the raise and fall. She was too happy to imagine what life would be like when the sun rose, happy to just be here with the man she loved, the man she was going to marry, the man who wanted her as well as the daughter he had grown to love. Much to her disbelief, Sara did feel sleep begin to tug on her eyelids, after all it had been a long day. She drifted to sleep, the wedding march weaving in and out of her dreams.


End file.
